The Surprise in Breaking Open




I was in high school—about 20 years ago—when I first became aware of stone symbolism. The concept gripped me. I loved choosing jewelry or individual stones based on the associated meanings, both for myself and as gifts for loved ones.

In February, my relationship with stones expanded dramatically after I reconnected with a dear friend. Sure, it may have been our first meeting in this lifetime, but it quickly became clear to both of us that we’d known each other before. (Yep, I’m talking about past lifetimes. More Dragonfly truth time.)

My new/old friend has worked intimately with stone energy for many years. She has an amazing stone room where she’s arranged hundreds, if not thousands, of stones in inspired configurations to broadcast messages of love and healing for the planet and its inhabitants. The first time I went in, I started sobbing. The sense of homecoming and connection was that powerful. This magical place has quickly become one of my favorite places to meditate and commune with spirit.

Ever since then, I’ve been able to feel and interact with stone energy like never before. I know it sounds nuts, but to deny their offerings feels sacrilegious to me. Like I talk about repeatedly on this website and in my creations, I truly believe each of us has the ability to connect with the unseen world and receive all manner of messages. So, I’m willing to risk that you’ll think I’m crazy out of hope that you’ll feel empowered instead. (Also, there are worse things than being thought crazy.)

Earlier this month, I bought a fluorite wand. I’ve always found fluorite beautiful and felt drawn to this piece because of a vision I had in a recent meditation. Bizarrely enough, one of the tips immediately broke off when I got back to the car and simply lifted it out of the bag. I knew it wouldn’t be difficult to exchange, but the break felt significant somehow, and I found myself still wanting this particular piece. It wasn’t like the fluorite’s energy or beauty was gone. My friend encouraged me to look for the deeper meaning.

When the symbolism revealed itself to me the next day, it made me cry. The message I heard was that I should not be afraid of breaking open and seeing what’s inside. This resonated deeply with issues on my mind. Thanks to my friend’s generosity, I was able to meditate in the stone room later that afternoon.

Of course, I was crying again. I was broken open and ready to see whatever I needed to see. My first vision involved someone else, so I won’t go into details out of respect for that person’s privacy. However, I will say it showed me the opposite answer from my fear, instead reminding me of my power to choose and bringing comfort.

Thank you, fluorite.

To fully understand the significance of my second vision—which is really the heart of this post—I need to provide a little background. During my third and final pregnancy, I spent an entire summer bedridden in my house. Creating humans gives me hyperemesis gravadirum, which is a fancy term for 24/7 nausea and excessive vomiting characterized by dehydration and significant weight loss. It sucks. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Even though the physical illness was as bad as in other pregnancies, if not worse, I was much stronger in my spirit because of the preparation I’d done. Even so, I still had times of great sorrow where all I could do was cry.

One night I had the impression of a beautiful white and gray Wolf sitting with me. We were outside under the night sky. She couldn’t take away my physical misery or my sadness, but she told me that I wasn’t alone and that she would howl at the moon with me as long as I liked. It was incredibly comforting, and I often felt her presence after that. (If you’re familiar with my Grandmothers Oracle, you’ll recognize her as the inspiration for Grandmother Wolf). 

Fast forward almost two years. As much as I loved my Wolf friend, I didn’t try to contact her very much after my baby was born. I had this (silly) idea that she was only there to help me during that time. More recently, I’d started to think she was still available to me after all.

OK, so now we can go back to the stone room. 

As I sat there crying, I felt a nudge to reach out to my Wolf friend again. And she showed up! She told me, again, that I am never alone and that my guides are always with me. She showed me an image of myself walking through a mountain pass in the snow. The way wasn’t always clear, and I had the impression that it was treacherous at times, with occasional steep drop offs. I felt her showing me that my guides had helped protect me and keep me from harm, even when I had no idea they were doing so.

Before this happened, I’d been feeling somewhat adrift and less in tune with my guides and my higher self for a few weeks. I didn’t realize until I sat there in the stone room with Wolf that I’d been afraid to open my heart and seek that connection out of fear that someone would tell me I’d failed or screwed up somehow.

But Wolf’s message was the exact opposite. She helped me to see that even when (especially when) my path feels challenging, I’m walking through it. That is the point. Feeling inadequate or afraid or confused or unworthy does not mean I’m failing or straying. I’m doing all the things my higher self wants to experience in this lifetime so that I can learn and grow. I’m transmuting and changing the story just by carrying on! I had the sense that my guides were actually cheering for me and proud of me.

Then Wolf seemed to say something like this: “And don’t forget that your whole life is a journey, an adventure. Just because it feels like you’re crossing the mountains right now doesn’t mean it will always feel like that. There are also beautiful vistas, meadows, joy!”

Thank you, Wolf.

I’m telling you all of this because I believe Wolf’s messages are universal. YOU are loved. YOU are watched over. YOU are receiving help even when you don’t realize it. YOU are cheered on. YOU are encouraged. YOU are not failing even if it feels hard. And it won’t always feel hard.

Of course, none of these concepts are new, but sometimes I really need the reminder. Maybe you do too. And when you know the things you yearn for are also yearning for you, it dissolves fear of rejection or judgment if you reach out. So, don’t be afraid to open your heart and try it—you might be surprised too.